Fighting Minibots
by AnziPanzi
Summary: Whirl had a bad day. Maybe getting overcharged and picking fights isn't the best idea


It had not been a good day for Whirl.

Nothing particularly BAD had happened onboard The Lost Light, but he had woken up in one of his moods and had only gotten worse over the course of the day. The only solution that made sense to the ex-Wrecker was to drown himself in highgrade, and that was how he came to be at Swerve's.

For the most part, he was left alone as he drank at the bar. Not many 'bots ever wanted to talk to Whirl while he was sober, never mind drunk. Every so often, Swerve would appear and slide another cube of engex towards him before disappearing to the other side of the bar and leaving him alone.

After almost an hour and a half, Whirl blinked his single optic blearily and looked around. He caught sight of Swerve and leaned over the bar, barely keeping his balance. "He-ey. Heeeeeeeeeey. You listenin'? More drink."

The minibot glanced up, his mouth pulling into a small, uncertain line. "Actually, I think you've had enough. Sorry, Whirl. I'm cutting you off."

The bigger mech sat for a moment, trying to figure out what had been said to him. "Whut? You don' understand, I want mo-o-ore."

"You can barely talk," Swerve picked up all the empty cubes surrounding the blue mech. "Sorry, but there's sorta a limit on the amount of energon per 'bot. It's not unlimited. Come back tomorrow, yeah?"

Whirl's optic made a whirring sound as it recalibrated in a drunken effort to see more clearly. "No, ya don't get it." He leaned in and dropped his voice to a whisper. "I'm drunk."

"Yeah, buddy. I know." Swerve shook his head as he walked away with the empty cubes, leaving Whirl alone.

A quick glance around the bar revealed that most of the other 'bots were still drinking freely. Whirl's gaze quickly zoned in on Tailgate and Rewind talking at a table a little bit away. Two cubes of highgrade sat practically untouched in front of them.

Whirl was not known for subtlety. He was known for daring antics, witty puns, and general bad-assery. But this situation was enough for him to channel his inner ninja. As slyly as he could drunkenly manage, he slid over to the minibots' table, cautiously keeping low to the floor.

As he slithered on his stomach plating across the ground, he wriggled over someone's foot. Skids glanced down to see Whirl inching along the ground, and simply stared. "What-?"

"Shhhh." Whirl offered no other explanation before continuing to slither towards the minibots. He ignored the feeling of Skids' disbelieving stare watching him as he crawled under the table, narrowly avoiding brushing against one of Tailgate's dangling legs that didn't reach the ground.

Now, he simply had to wait for the opportune moment. He sneakily poked his optic up around the table, and spied Rewind pointing at something behind him. The astrosecond that both mechs' attention was turned away, Whirl snagged the untouched cubes and whipped them under the table. His yellow optic glinted happily as he drained the first one quickly. The second one was consumed more slowly, and he allowed himself a moment to marvel at the sheer amount of skill he possessed.

"Where did our energon go?" Tailgate's soft voice piped up suddenly.

"Dunno. Order another off of Swerve." Rewind said absently, obviously irritated that his story had been interrupted. "Anyway, like I was saying.."

Over the course of fifteen minutes, Whirl had successfully stolen six cubes of energon from the table, and the minibots had no idea he was currently hiding under their nasal ridges. Rewind was giving out about how he simply didn't understand where they were going, and Tailgate was wondering aloud whether they would have to pay for it if they never got to drink it.

"This is ridiculous-" Rewind snapped, angrily swinging his legs underneath the table.

There was a clang as the archivist's legs collided with the side of Whirl's head, and a yelp escaped the larger mech before he could stop himself. All three mechs physically tensed, and Tailgate was the first to speak up. "What was that?"

Rewind's head appeared suddenly as he looked underneath the table, and his visor flashed sharply. "Whirl?!"

"What?" Tailgate yelped, almost diving underneath the table to take a look. "Whirl? What- wait, it was you?!"

The extra charge induced from all the energon he had consumed made Whirl snicker as he extracted himself from under the table. He stood, wobbled slightly, and regained his balance. "Yeah..."

"But- why?!"

"'Cuz I'm awesome." The ex-Wrecker giggled and went to step away, before wobbling dangerously and falling on his aft. A laugh burst out of him, and he looked up at the minibots, who were both staring blankly at him. "Did you see that? I fell!"

"I think he's overcharged." Tailgate whispered to Rewind.

The archivist didn't bother to respond to his friend, instead glaring at Whirl. "You are so buying us more energon."

Laying on his back, the blue and black mech stared at the ceiling intensely. "Noooo. I just wanna drink the energon, not pay for it." His words slurred together and his claws moved lethargically.

"Don't worry, Rewind." Tailgate said cheerfully, obviously trying to calm his friend down. "We still have one cube left."

Both Rewind and Whirl fixated their gazes on the single cube of energon left on the table. They stared at it. They stared at each other.

"Mine!" Rewind yelled, diving for it.

"Me, me, me!" Whirl clicked his claws like pincers as he leaped up and threw himself at the table.

The resulting collision broke the table, and Tailgate shrieked as he was pulled to the floor with the other two mechs as they wrestled over the cube of energon. "Guys- no, wait! We can get another- ow! Another cube! Ouch!"

Clutching the cube to his chassis, Rewind moved to leap away only to have Whirl grab his ankle and drag him back. They grappled, and the tiny archivist punched Whirl in the optic whilst yelling a battle cry.

"Can we not?" Tailgate yelled from where he was being squashed under Whirl as the larger mech fought for the cube. "We're in a bar! There are lots of-"

"Give me!" Rewind howled, slapping Whirl's shoulder.

"Never!"

Tailgate wailed, desperately trying to push himself out from beneath Whirl before he was dented beyond repair. "Swerve?! Help!

The bartender appeared from seemingly out of nowhere, and Tailgate almost wilted from the relief of seeing him. Unfortunately, he was not as big a help as Tailgate had hoped. Rather than break up the fight, Swerve threw himself into the middle of it with a yell of "I LOVE BAR FIGHTS!"

Another wail escaped Tailgate as the weight of Swerve was added to the weight of Whirl and Rewind crushing him. "You're hurting me- ow! Can you please let me up-!" Everyone else in the bar was looking on in blank confusion, completely lost on what was happening.

A triumphant yell left Whirl as he snatched the cube away from Rewind, only to have a second minibot tackle the energon from his hand. "Hey!"

And suddenly, a shadow fell over them. All four mechs on the ground looked up to see a giant purple frame looming over them. There was a tense silence, before Swerve pointed at Whirl. "He started it."

Cyclonus turned his glare on the helicopter, but before he could say a thing an almost pitiful whimper sounded from somewhere beneath the pile of mechs. Whirl glanced down, "Uh.. Hang on." He reached down before extracting a rather traumatised-looking Tailgate from under him. "Oh. I was sitting on him."

There was dead silence as every 'bot in the room watched Cyclonus stare at Whirl as he held out the tiny battered white minibot. Finally, the purple jet spoke. "You were.. sitting on him."

"Yeah."

A whimper sounded as Tailgate kicked out his legs in an attempt to be put on the ground, but Whirl kept holding him out in the air. "Cyclonus..?"

Silently, the flier reached out and took the minibot from Whirl, keeping his icy glare pinned on helicopter. "You were fighting minibots."

"He started it." Whirl pointed at Rewind, who almost combusted from outrage.

"Have you no honour or self respect?" Cyclonus hissed, tucking Tailgate under one arm. "They are less than half your size."

"Yeah, that's why I didn't notice I was sitting on one." Whirl slurred, nodding blankly. "I think he- guh!"

A strangled sound left Whirl's vocaliser as Cyclonus grabbed him around the neck and hauled him up into the air, choking him. The motion was so quick that Tailgate, who had been placed on the floor, needed a second before he realised Cyclonus wasn't holding him anymore. "Wait, Cyclonus!" The minibot grabbed at the larger mech's leg. "Don't start another fight."

"I am not, I am ending the first one." Cyclonus snarled, tightening his grip on the helicopter's throat.

"Whoah, hang on." Whirl managed to choke out weakly. "What if you don't offline me? You could just get me more engex."

A snarl quirked the edges of Cyclonus' lips upwards, but he didn't offline the mech in his hands. Instead, he glanced down at Tailgate, who was hanging onto his leg. "I will not offline you. Instead, you will personally repair any dents or damages Tailgate suffered from your pure idiocy and incompetence. This will be when you are sober, obviously."

"Oof!" Whirl grunted as he was dropped carelessly on the ground, but he nodded lazily and held up a claw. "You can't see it, but I'm giving an imaginary thumbs up. Can I have more highgrade now?"

With one last scathing look, Cyclonus stalked off towards the door, closely followed by a scampering Tailgate. When the door closed behind them, Swerve snickered. "Cool. I never get any action behind the bar."

"More highgrade." Whirl demanded.

The bartender obviously seemed to forget all about the fact that Whirl had been cut-off, and he nodded cheerily as he stood. "Yeah, sure. Yo, Rewind, you want some too?"

"Yeah." The minibot shot a nasty look at Cyclonus. "I do."

Whirl lay on his back and stared at the ceiling again. "I like highgrade." He announced, "and fighting."

"You are so lucky Chromedome isn't here." Rewind sighed.

Mere moments later, Swerve appeared with a single cube in his hands. "Uh, hey.. There's only one cube of Berzerker Buttons left..."

A tense, stiff silence greeted the bar tender's words as both Whirl and Rewind stared at the cube in Swerve's hand.

"MINE!"


End file.
